To set the mood for today’s piece, I’ve selected a nice ambient track to play in the background.
That’s right friends: it’s Halloween proper which is why the 20-somethings have been twitching from alcohol withdrawal all throughout the workday. The shift from Halloween to Halloweekend to The Last Day In October (Which We Fear) marks every human’s life cycle from childhood to adolescence to adulthood. But in the age of social media, it has also become one of the greatest stressors known to Instagram users—even for those who rank Halloween as their favorite holiday (me).
That’s why this week, E4P superstar Hailey Karten returns for a new Emily Fun President to talk through the pressures we place on ourselves come Halloweekend and if there’s anything to be done about them.
Hailey, also known as E4P's biggest fan, is back and better than ever. For those who don't remember her, or chose to not, all you need to know is that she is an absolute queenerz. Just kidding. But she is. Hailey lives in Manhattan and works in Cards Marketing at Citi—you might know this company for the bikes you better not take out drunk this Halloweekend…or as a bank.
In the ~spooky~ spirit, her favorite Halloween candy is Sour Patch Kids, specifically the blue and red ones (which, did you know you can order a pack of only the colors you like on their website?! Sorry to digress), and her favorite festive movie is the DCOM classic, Halloweentown.
Spooky Scary Skeletons
If you know me, you know I need very little incentive to put together and show up somewhere in a costume. I live for a theme and I love a charade!!
But since college, Halloween has felt spookier than usual. While I can’t emphasize enough how much I love coming up with anywhere from 2-5 costumes each year, this holiday has started to absolutely devastate my body.
This costume was an absolute slay!!! No one can tell briefly-goth 11-year-old me anything!!!!
Desparate to feel like it’s not just me who’s been growing increasingly apprehensive of Halloween, I asked Hailey:
Emily: What is your hottest take on Halloween?
Hailey: It’s only fun for one day—not the whole 5-night weekend extravaganza that our society makes it out to be. Everyone’s exhausted and, by night three, everyone’s pissed at each other because someone switched their costume, someone’s trying to be too much of a hoe, and someone has run away. You’re also doing the same thing again and again: you're pregaming at someone's house and going to 14 bars to wait in line with other drunk people.
Where is the trick-or-treating? Why is it unacceptable for me as a 24-year-old to ring people’s doorbells and ask for candy? I miss that!
Emily: Halloween is supposed to be a silly goofy holiday. In your experience, is that usually the case? If not, what do you think prevents so many people from just having a good time?
Hailey: Oh, it’s totally a silly holiday—just with a lot of added pressure. Socially, there is a heavy focus on making sure our Instagram pictures of the weekend are looking good and that we are out and about with friends having a good time.
Emily: Why do you think there is so much pressure around having a good time on Halloween?
Hailey: To fit in. It is heavily influenced by peer pressure and we start to think, “If everyone on social media is having a good time, why shouldn't I be?” (Even though that's not really the case as you’ll recall from the last time I was on E4P.)
According to a YouGov study from last year, nearly 1-in-4 Americans list Halloween as their favorite major holiday with Gen Z favoring it twice as much as Boomers do (shocking, I know).
Maybe it’s just Gen Z getting older or maybe it’s the trauma of living through back-to-back historical events for nearly three years but a big trend online is discussing how holidays no longer feel like they used to. I asked Hailey:
Emily: How have your expectations about Halloween plans changed between high school, college, and post-grad?
Hailey: Remember freshman year of high school when Halloween didn't exist—to be young again.
I think it definitely shifted after that early high school phase of "I am too old to go trick-or-treating but I am not quite at the partying point of my life." In college, it was, "This is the partying point of my life" with events literally every night. I’m literally praying for those who will be in college in 2023 when 10/31 is a Tuesday...there will be things for nearly a whole week!
Now, as an “adult,” there is definitely a split between those who still want to party like college and those who think they have to.
Emily: Do you often feel the need to manage everyone else on a Halloween night out? Do you feel like the people you manage feel like they need to manage everyone else as well?
Hailey: As the resident mom friend, I do, but I also always do. I think more of the stress in Halloween is that there are so many different types of events: chill bars, $100+ cover charge parties at clubs, house parties. It is hard to coordinate when everyone wants to do something different. And combined with alcohol and a lot of makeup and glitter, it can get, well...messy.
Emily: What are your tips for breaking this cycle and genuinely enjoying Halloween?
Hailey: Do what's best for you! Be selfish and do what you want to do. Literally no one is making you do anything you do not want to do. I know it is tough and obviously, you might feel that FOMO but, in all honesty, no one is truly going to judge you for not going out every single night.
Unfortunately, even in an Emily Fun President, we still have to have at least one troubling conversation.
Stop Trying to Make Halloween Fetch
At this point, if you haven’t seen the movie Mean Girls, you should probably go ahead and keep that to yourself. For those of us who actually appreciate culture, we all obviously know the iconic line about what Halloween means in girl world (and for those of us who don’t, Hailey quotes it later in this section).
Every year, it is a little funny to see which nouns are yassified to the point of no return as a result of the weird expectation that every female Halloween costume fits into the Madonna-whore complex (aka be a “slutty” version of any given thing or be the biggest prude in Prudesville).
I asked Hailey:
Emily: What are your thoughts on the impact Halloween can have on body image, especially that of young women?
Hailey: I think my mind first goes to mass-produced costumes. Even in the cute, fun non-sexy space, there are way more costumes for straight-sized people compared to plus-sized, especially for women. A quick search on Spirit Halloween's website left me with 34 pages of costumes in the women’s section with only 10 pages of plus-sized for men, women, and unisex costumes combined!
That’s only discrepancies in size metrics and even that alone can really have an impact. With styles and trends, the "cool" costumes tend to be much more sexy, tight, and revealing which is not for everyone and tends to pressure people, specifically young women, to dress a certain way or feel bad if they don’t.
We have been told this since 2004 when Mean Girls came out: "Halloween is the one day a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything else about it." Because of this, there is almost an unspoken rule that you can, and should, were lingerie out for Halloween—and many women do and most think they have to.
What is interesting is that costumes were actually intended to serve an incredibly different purpose: according to Reverend Eddie J. Smith’s 2012 book, Halloween, Hallowed Is Thy Name (subtitle: How to Scripturally and Theologically Justify Christian Halloween Haunted Houses and Other Evangelistic Events for Christian Fellowship, Fun, and Prophet), the idea behind costumes was that by “dressing up in costumes and portraying frightening creatures who at one time caused us to fear and tremble, we are not glorifying Satan. Rather, we are poking fun at the Serpent whose kingdom has been plundered by our Savior, and whose head has been crushed!”
Funny enough, I was scared of the green M&M until I saw this TikTok. Although if you asked Tucker Carlson, he’d probably still say this look is glorifying Satan.
Without diving too deep into the larger conversations here about body neutrality vs toxic body positivity, the unbearable weight of society’s beauty standards, and the general sense that women can never exist perfectly in a patriarchal society (you know—light stuff), it’s clear that much of the unnecessary pressure on Halloween comes from how sexy you can make an endangered animal appear.
Because this is an anti-slut shaming newsletter, I should say that I think at least 90% of the problems with costumes for women would dissipate if not for that one dreaded question you undoubtedly will get in that very condescending tone from a particular gender (hint: it’s men) if you are not dressed in something sultry:
Emily: What are your thoughts on having to answer the "Who are you supposed to be?" question when you opt for a costume that might not be considered sexy?
Hailey: I think it's tough especially when you have a "homemade" costume (you know—with the parts and pieces you ordered on Amazon 48 hours prior) and you want people to really get it. However, even I cannot keep up with pop culture references and sometimes have to ask the question if it is not so obvious.
I understand why it can be a tough question, especially when physically you might not look exactly like the character the costume is trying to portray (and not in an appropriation way). Personally, my response would be candid but I get where it can become unintentionally hurtful and make people question how they look.
Here I will pivot into more positive waters and give a shoutout to the guy who came up to me in the Brooklyn Monarch bathroom to thank me for dressing as Fran Fine this weekend. Everything I do…I do it for my fans.
One thing about me is I will always slay my hardest at the end of October.
FMK…Holidays???
To bring it all home, I saved the best questions for last and asked Hailey:
Hailey: Fuck Halloween (I’d hit it then forget about it until next October), marry Presidents’ Day (love a good mid-February day off of work with no responsibilities), kill New Years (I like being in bed before midnight, thanks).
Emily: What are you going as this year?
Hailey: Follow me on insta @haileykarten to find out… Last year, I went as Isabella from The Lizzie McGuire Movie and as a PNM from the University of Alabama (my jewelry was normal).
Emily: Can you rank my costumes from best to worst: Casual Princess Diana, Fleabag, and Fran Fine from The Nanny?
Hailey: 1. Fran (as your personal favorite comedic, Semitic queen, this obviously had to be the winner)
2. Fleabag (I never saw this show but pop off)
3. Di (ur basic).
Emily: Can you send in some silly goofy Halloween costumes?
Hailey:
And last but not least, we have this absolutely fantastic closing note:
Hailey: You never really do Halloween until you have sunglasses, a hoodie, and mini Uggs on and you’re puking on the corner of Lexington and 27th St.
Thank you to Hailey for having fun with me on this piece!!! And to Hailey and all of my friends who have been the literal best this Halloweekend and all others prior: I love you and will always steal handles from undeserving frat houses with you.
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