Gotta Keep An Eye Out For Olivia Wilde
Treat people with kindness? Maybe in Harry's House but certainly not in mine!!!!
LISTEN!!!!!! If I could talk exclusively about Don’t Worry Darling this week and through the end of time, I would. My new number one life goal is to develop a time machine for the sole purpose of going back to be on this set every single day from the very beginning.1
In lieu of devoting my life to piecing together a second-by-second account of this filming experience, we’re going to pivot slightly to the left and talk about the Gucci-swaddled elephant in the room: today, we’re going to talk about Harry Styles.
Unfortunately for 13-year-old me, this is not exactly the conversation I thought I would be having about the man who made me who I am today (no hate to Bill Sharp, who did once walk past a Good Morning America performance by “Big Time Direction”). Olivia Wilde—close your ears and stop worrying about me darling because today I’m joined by Zion Kidd to break down Harry’s cult of personality, the impact of his gender expression, and whether or not we’re dealing with a master queerbaiter.
Hey, it’s Zion. I currently do consulting and enjoy giving my hot takes on things people didn’t ask about—hence the job! The hotter the take the better the conversation. When not doing my silly little job you’ll find me binging competition reality shows, trashy reality shows, and playing League of Legends.
You Don’t Know-ow-ow You Don’t Know Your Basic Facts
I know Harry and Olivia have started a new fight club to go after anyone that talks negatively about their relationship or one another2 but frankly, I’m Team Florence Pugh right now so I’ve already won.
As for Mr. Styles himself, today’s conversation couldn’t come at a better time: last week, Rolling Stone revealed their September cover story with the singer, and the UK version cheekily referred to him as “the new King of Pop” which set the internet off on a mad dash to see how fast and how intense they could make their distaste for Styles known. In Styles’ defense, nowhere in the article does he give himself this title but the “controversy” nonetheless gave everyone a set of eagle eyes when they reviewed the interview.
Although Zion and I have been having the queerbaiting conversation for months, I wonder if everyone else and their Substack followers would be engaging in it too had it not been for King of Pop-gate.
But I digress. Let’s start at the beginning:
Emily: How would you describe Harry Styles to someone who's been in a coma since 2010?
Zion: He's a former boyband singer whose solo career has snowballed into a one-man revival of the British Invasion and he does (some) acting on the side. He's made a name for himself as a queer icon with a pension for painting his nails, wearing the occasional dress or lose fitting shirt, and seems to have a special attraction to models and actresses.
Emily: How do you define a cult of personality? Do you think it's an inherently malicious thing?
Zion: When a person with extreme levels of charisma, charm, and popularity develops a group of individuals around him or her that are united based on their love of that person's personality that is a cult of personality. Members of this cult of personality will often blindly agree with thoughts/opinions presented by the core individual.
Often times the word "cult" or phrase "cult of personality" is used in a derogatory manner. Rightfully so, as they have the potential to do a lot of harm due to groupthink. This is not always the case and some cults of personality are relatively harmless.
While “cult of personality” is a term typically used to describe government leaders who rise to and then cement their authoritarian power through tactics like “mass media, propaganda, fake news, spectacle… patriotism, and… rallies” (hm…), it is also used colloquially online to describe celebrities who achieve a seemingly God-like, omnipresence in society as Styles has:
Emily: Why do you think Harry Styles has a cult of personality? How has he cultivated one?
Zion: Harry makes everyone feel like they're included in his community. In my conversations with some of his fans, they truly feel like they know him on a personal level. He's been a heartthrob for teenage girls since he was a contestant on the X-Factor UK, the perfect boyfriend material as described in One Directions’ "You Don't Know You're Beautiful" in which he yells at you all the things he loves about you.
During his solo career, he's made a very intentional point about declaring himself an ally to the LGBT Community (or a member—the world may never know). He's even been nominated/won multiple LGBT awards! For all intents and purposes, he is the love child of The Beatles and Elton John.
As Zion mentioned, Harry’s fans feel like they know him intimately, a fact I can attest to. Yet, for someone who is so constantly in the public eye (he is currently the #4 most listened to artist on Spotify with over 70 million monthly listeners), so little is credibly known about his personal life that it seems intentional.
Spoiler alert: it is!
The primary thread woven throughout Brittany Spanos’ interview with Styles is how he manages to maintain a little life as one of the world’s biggest celebrities. She writes:
As he’s become one of the world’s biggest pop stars, Styles’ need for privacy — for keeping that “naked baby” self out of the public eye — seems to have grown. Secrecy has helped to fend off constant questions about his sex life, the kind that were tossed his way as soon as he was of legal age…
One feeling he needed to shed was shame, the kind of shame that comes from having your sex life scrutinized while you’re still just trying to make sense of it. Over the years, he learned to stop apologizing for it. He learned he could be vulnerable in private while still protecting it from the public.
Sometimes, though, he worried he was a “hypocrite” for being so closed off. His shows have become empowering safe spaces for his fans, so many of whom want to share who they are with him. Onstage, he’s helped people come out to their parents and facilitated everything from marriage proposals to gender reveals. Separating his personal life from his public one hasn’t been a choice he takes lightly. “When I’m working, I work really hard, and I think I’m really professional,” he says. “Then when I’m not, I’m not. I’d like to think I’m open, and probably quite stubborn, too, and willing to be vulnerable. I can be selfish sometimes, but I’d like to think that I’m a caring person.”
As Oprah once iconically said (paraphrased), we have to have that conversation.
The Conversation That Keeps Candace Owens Relevant (I Guess…?)
For those of us who were perhaps not on Tumblr during One Direction’s heyday, there was a sizable subsection of us Directioners (yeah, I’ll admit it) who were devout Larry Stylinson shippers—in lay person’s terms, they wanted Harry Styles and former band member Louis Tomlinson to get together romantically.
Additionally, because we still live in a backward bygone era, many of those who did not like One Direction (or, who were perhaps jealous of their success) turned to the age-old tactic of accusing them of being gay as a means of discrediting and degrading them since, as we all know, that makes sense. Obviously, those who went feral for Larry were just horny teenagers and those who thought it was not okay to be gay are probably still wasting their days trolling people they will never meet online, but you have to imagine how it must have felt to endure so much scrutiny about your sexuality from both those that loved and hated you at an incredibly formative time in your life.
Acknowledging all of this, it’s clear why Harry would want to keep his love life and sexuality private; why feed into anything when everyone’s going to make their own assumptions anyway? But that’s just the thing—he still does feed into the conversation. Instead of requesting not to be asked about or offering no comment on the subject of his sexuality, Styles frequently hints at a potential comment without ever fully answering the question.
Zion touched on this when I asked:
Emily: Do you think Styles is appropriating queer culture?
Zion: If he is queer then no. If he is not queer then at this point, yes absolutely.
Keeping it at a "maybe" is queerbaiting. It's something that he intentionally hints at so people are going to want to know. I do think it's strange to build that personal aspect into his brand identity if it is something he'd rather keep to himself.
Still, there is a fine line (pun very much intended) in this conversation that needs to be carefully drawn between outing somebody and holding them accountable for appropriation. While Styles has undoubtedly been an ally for the LGBTQ+ community, he has also frequently marketed himself as a member of it, benefitting from the clout of being a queer icon without ever publicly grappling with the discrimination the LGBTQ+ community constantly faces.
By no means is this to say Styles should face any kind of harm to—I don’t know—initiate him in some sick way, but his relationship with the community is very comfortable and convenient in a fascinating way. It’s like he’s having his cake, eating it too, and then asking everyone, “Isn’t cake great??” without ever recognizing that some people get murdered just for wanting to eat cake.
I asked Zion:
Emily: What do you think of Styles' relationship with the LGBTQ+ community?
Zion: Styles intentionally makes it difficult to answer this question! Presenting himself as a queer individual allows him to give his opinion on things—such as LGBT representation in the media—that someone not part of the community wouldn't have authority on. He has on numerous occasions self-identified as "unlabeled" and enjoys dressing in a sometimes androgynous gender fluid manner, suggesting that he would be open to a queer relationship.
However, he has only publicly been involved with straight cis women. I can't verify this, but I believe he has mentioned in some interviews he is more open about his romantic interests and relationships with close friends and family. In his most recent interview with Rolling Stone, he mentioned that he doesn't get the "obsession" with his sexuality. He's gaslighting everyone, everywhere, all at once!
He is queerbaiting by going out of his way to give the impression that he may not be straight. Seemingly every interview he has he answers questions about his sexuality when he could decide to not answer at all. He is a big enough star at this point in his career. In those same interviews, he will also acknowledge his public relationships have only been with women, which logically would lead people to think that he is straight.
[The Rolling Stone interview reads: “Styles, without prompting, points out how silly he finds some of the arguments about how he may identify to be: ‘Sometimes people say, “You’ve only publicly been with women,” and I don’t think I’ve publicly been with anyone. If someone takes a picture of you with someone, it doesn’t mean you’re choosing to have a public relationship or something.’”]
At this point, the only person keeping the narrative that he is queer going is himself. Queerbating is part of his brand. There are other celebrities that are champions of LGBT rights, who also have rumors about their sexuality flying around, and that have dealt with the situation in a much more respectful manner (say hi Mr. Mendes).
At the end of the day, people's personal lives are their personal lives and it really doesn't matter UNLESS that personal life aspect is one of the defining building blocks of their brand.
Emily: By not defining his sexuality but playing around with gender norms, do you believe Styles is generating more acceptance for the queer community as a palatable representation of it, or is he just the ideal ally?
Zion: Honestly no. You can be an ally and not be queerbaiting. If he is part of the LGBT community, he has intentionally set himself up with the perfect platform to educate the general public on whatever his queer identity is, and has made a decision to not do so. I think that does more harm than good.
It is interesting to think about all of this in relation to someone like Lil Nas X, a rising superstar in his own right, who had to hire security after receiving death threats following the release of his overtly queer video for the song “Montero” and to whom hard conversations about homophobia in society often fall. Here is someone performing in generally the same realm as Styles—in terms of name recognition, gender expression, and, in some cases, the same award category—who has to constantly publicly grapple with discrimination in a way Styles hasn’t. Both of them are undoubtedly famous, but Nas is bearing so much more of a burden on the way there.
I asked Zion:
Emily: Why do you think Styles is celebrated for his gender expression whereas other openly queer celebrities and performers are marginalized or don't receive the same level of popularity?
Zion: You have other celebrities that are gender fluid or gender non-conforming, Ezra Miller or Sam Smith stand out, even Demi Lovato. None of them are given the same level of acceptance or "queer icon" identity that Harry Styles is given. I think it comes down to the fact that Styles is more palatable. Often times the argument against LGBT representation is "don't shove it in our faces." Styles is gay in that he wears dresses and paints his nails, but don't worry he's not THAT gay that he actually has publicly queer relationships.
(A disclaimer before we continue: we do not have the time to unpack the Ezra Miller of it all here today but know—know—I am closely following a celebrity who has actually started a cult with their personality.)
Emily: Which other celebrities, if any, do you think have garnered the same kind of following in the same kind of way as Styles?
Zion: Michael Jackson, Prince, David Bowie, and Elvis.
I don't think Michael Jackson played with gender as much as he played with race (which is an entirely different conversation), and I can't speak to David Bowie as much because I'm not familiar with him or his artistry.
Prince was an effeminate guy with his mannerisms, clothes (high heels, bright colors, low cut shirts, etc.) and even his styling (hair, make up). He also had a much higher-pitched voice. Prince was still objectively a sex symbol though!3 I think a lot of similarities exist between "When Doves Cry" and "Sign of the Times," actually.
For me, it seems like Harry is walking on the path that these predecessors built and should therefore be talking about those artists he draws inspiration from when asked about his gender/sexual expression in interviews. If he still feels he has more personal learning to do and wants to do that in private, great—request those questions not be asked in interviews.
Emily: Why do you think cis men typically lead the charge of bending gender expression and norms?
Zion: Our society considers it a lot more taboo for men to break gender norms than for women. I think it's the biphobia that exists in our society, especially for bi men. When a public figure of that magnitude seemingly explores it, it is always going to garner more attention than if a woman wears a suit.
Men lead the charge because even though we've come a long way in tearing down gender norms, they still exist. A lot of the staunch gender expression norms for women have been, as it seems to me, largley muddled. Seeing a woman wearing a pair of pants is totally normal and seeing a woman wearing a suit isn't going to turn heads the same way as it would seeing a man wear a dress or paint his nails. In that way, it is a lot harder for women to get attention specifically for bending gender expression norms.
It’s really hard to exist in this world these days where living authentically is the goal but you have to endure hell in order to get there. While, of course, we don’t know what Harry’s personal life looks like—no matter how much we think we just get him on a spiritual level—his public persona seems to be doing more than fine after adopting traits and styles and all the Gucci in the world in a way that often results in other folks with varyingly fewer degrees of fame getting ridiculed, overwhelmed, or harmed.
Maybe it’s just a sign of the times or maybe Styles needs to keep driving away from the queerbaiting habits (I am so proud of this—let me have it!!!!). Regardless of how he genuinely identifies when Rolling Stone and the world aren’t watching, we can’t turn a blind eye to this little freak of a conversation (hat trick).
Your Honor, He’s Slaying
The objective here was never for Zion and me to arrive at a verdict of what Harry Styles’ sexuality is once and for all. Right now, he’s schtupping Olivia Wilde and her whole coterie of problems (at least until the DWD press tour is over… we’ll see) which is a decision he has made!
The objective was also to not ruin Styles’ career with all the mighty power E4P wields. If I am a hater first, I am a Harry girl second. I love this man and I have since he was the flirt on the stairs (I’ve been here since the beginning babes). That’s why it’s both easy and impossible to be a fan: there is so much to love about Harry Styles that it’s tricky to navigate this potentially problematic part of him.
But if we just glorify the celebrities we enjoy watching instead of holding them accountable, we allow them to grow the bad kind of cults of personality and we end up with reality show hosts stealing state secrets from the White House and Liam Payne. I don’t know which one is worse.4
So many thanks to Zion for talking this out with me since June!!!! He is iconic and so fun and it’s amazing we’ve come all this way from Emory Odyssey!!!!
There’s so much we didn’t get to today because this is a much larger conversation than the little snippet we captured here (we didn’t even touch on Harry’s accent in the DWD footage released so far which is…. something). Shockingly enough to all the 1D haters, the discourse around this band persists and is actually incredibly important—so suck on that, homophobic turds!!!!!
If you have no idea what I’m talking about, please read last Friday’s piece from Hunter Harris’ Hung Up. It’s not only impeccably detailed with receipts, but it’s also—as always with Harris—one of the funniest things I’ve ever read.
The article reads: “When asked about her experience with his fans, Wilde is diplomatic. Like Styles, she believes in what they stand for as a collective, calling them ‘deeply loving people’ who have fostered an accepting community. ‘What I don’t understand about the cruelty you’re referencing is that that kind of toxic negativity is the antithesis of Harry, and everything he puts out there… I don’t personally believe the hateful energy defines his fan base at all. The majority of them are true champions of kindness.’” Bold claims of love and light from the woman who wanted to work with an abuser over Florence Pugh.
Gender and sexuality scholar Chelsea Reynolds actually wrote a whole piece for Vox in 2016 which makes the argument that “Prince tried to help us understand the differences between identity (how we think of ourselves), behavior (what we do), and perception (how others think of us). Prince dismantled and queered what contemporary culture has tried to bracket.”
Happy birthday, though, Liam.