Native New Yorkers Anonymous
You know what they always say about people opening the door...
I have a very distinct memory of standing on the subway platform for the downtown 6 train in the dead heat of July at 8 am in 2017, commuting in for my summer internship and thinking to myself, “I really fucking hate New York.”
I’ve had that thought on countless occasions in the two years I’ve lived here—like when a truck ran through a puddle and soaked me with street water, when the washing machines in my basement were out for eight months, and every single time I get a text from Con Ed asking me to turn off my AC unit in the middle of a heat wave—and yet, I haven’t left.
There is a weird energy you feel when you live here. And, seconding the sentiments of a lot of the people who partook in this survey, I mean when you really live here and not in some fictionalized version of the city. When your rent goes up astronomically, but not by enough to justify the astronomically higher price of moving. When you’re on the E train and it hits someone (this can be extrapolated out to any delay on any subway line—I’m just speaking from my thrice repeated experience). When you just make the happy hour cutoff time and are for some reason grateful your margarita is $9 instead of $12, or when you finally reach your friends, wherever you’re going, and breathlessly say, “You won’t believe what happened on my way here.” It’s special and stupid, preposterous and fun.
I’m positive this all happens in every other city but I don’t live there.
And, I’ll admit, that for every “I fucking hate New York” moment, there has been an equal “I fucking love New York” moment, which is why I wanted to open up the conversation and ask others about their own relationships with New York City. It’s a dinky, smelly, rat-filled cesspool, and I love it like 80% of the time.
If you were a NYC neighborhood, which would you be?
Hadley, 22, she/her: Brighton Beach. Underrated, sexy, but in an Eastern European way.
Riley, 24, he/him: Chelsea
Lincoln, 24, she/her: Maybe Roosevelt Island or something silly like that
Janie P Babygirl: Murray Hill duhhhh
Grace, 25, she/her: Upper East Side or Gramercy
Liz, 24, she/her: WeHoSoHoNoLiTa
Rebecca, 24, she/her: Greenpoint (insufferable hipster, great taste in restaurants)
MC, 26, she/her: Manhattan—I know nothing about this and I’m basic
CH, 23, he/him: Upper East Side
GB, 24, she/her: I wish I was the West Village but realistically I’m probably more of a Tribeca or an Upper West Side (I’m ~artsy~ but unfortunately way too invested in school and work)
N/A: Murray Hill
AM, 25, he/him: West Village duh
Arshia, 22, she/her: Greenpoint. She’s lowkey, quiet, and silly fun
Sara, 29, she/her: Fort Greene
J, 25, she/her: Williamsburg
Bella, 22, she/her: Midtown, unfortunately
BBB, 25, she/her: I feel like I give Tribeca vibes (not chic enough to be West Village)
Madeline, 27, she/her: East Village
Skylar, 24, she/her: Park Slope. Which is also where I live, so maybe I’m a little biased, but my point stands.
Audrey, 21, she/her: Upper West Side or Nolita
What is your hottest take/takes about New York City?
Hadley: Actually do your research on the city before moving there. There is such beautiful culture in the city and different neighborhoods have such distinct communities—you’re doing such a disservice to the city by moving to an area with no knowledge or respect for how the “vibe” came about (or you’re just pushing the legitimate residents of that community out because let’s be real the only thing NYC landlords love more than New York is money).
Riley: Not everyone needs to move to NYC.
Lincoln: New York City takes a lot of money in taxes that it doesn’t use for the right things.
Jane (Janie P Babygirl): Most people have TERRIBLE style!
Grace: It’s safe here
Don’t get a large dog, please
Bus > Subway
It’s worth it
Liz: It's hilarious how people who don't live here (*cough* my parents' friends back home) think NYC is the most unsafe place in the world. I've been out here taking the subway at 4 am on a Tuesday for seven years and have never felt unsafe.
Rebecca: It is the greatest city in America and breeds miserable (albeit wonderful) people.
MC: Honestly it smells and it’s too expensive.
CH: The bagels are not as good as people say they are.
N/A: Overrated af, not fun, expensive.
AM: The subway should be FREEE!!!!!!
Arshia: Normalize gatekeeping things in NYC.
Sara: Earning the title of “New Yorker” is overrated. If you’re paying city tax, congrats—you’re a New Yorker.
J: West Village is overrated.
Bella: NYC is extremely overwhelming and overcrowded. Social media does not give an accurate portrayal of daily life in the city.
Skylar: The most interesting thing about this city is the people that live here, and the good things about it have almost nothing to do with any of the properties of the city itself.
Audrey: Downtown does not have the best parts of NYC. The most authentic parts of NYC are anywhere above like 23rd Street. Maybe that’s just because I spent most of my childhood there when I visited or maybe it’s true.
Do you think someone who wasn't born and raised in NYC can ever call themselves a New Yorker? If so, what needs to happen first?
Hadley: Yes, I would say it can’t necessarily be qualified through the years that someone has lived there but more a willingness to actually be a part of the culture. I have met so many students from NYU (no shade) who literally haven’t been south of Phebes and north of the UES and it’s like…yeah alright…
Riley: Need to get hit by a taxi.
Lincoln: Yeah if they live there long enough.
Jane: Maybe after you’ve lived in the city for like a 50-year minimum. Or maybe if you birth a child in the city and have officially birthed a true New Yorker.
Grace: Maybe if they’ve spent the formative years of their life here, or over 20 years.
Liz: Yes. I've heard it repeated many times that six years is the threshold for calling yourself a New Yorker, but I don't think it's dependent on time at all. I have friends who've only been here a year or so and just exude New Yorker. And others who have been here awhile, yet fundamentally give off LA, Texas, Miami, etc. energy. It's in the way you carry yourself, the way you dress, the way you talk to people. This is annoying, but it's je-ne-sais-quoi.
Rebecca: Of course (coming from an LA bitch lol)! I think you need to live there for 5+ years. The same rule applies to LA, although the added LA metric is if you meet/see Bradley Whitford. He is everywhere...And I do mean EVERYWHERE.
MC: Yes you have to live in two different boroughs for 10+ years collectively—I have no credibility but that’s my idea.
CH: Yes! I think you have to live here for a minimum of like 10 years and live in a high-level walkup building for at least one year.
GB: Hmm maybe if they live here for a longgg time as an adult?
N/A: No.
AM: I think you need to live in NYC for at least 10 years and OWN property there.
Arshia: I think this is a hard question. I’d say there’s a difference between native New Yorkers and someone who’s lived in New York for like 10+ years, but both are New Yorkers to me.
Sara: LMAO
J: Yes—10+ years after living there.
Bella: I think that you can call yourself a New Yorker if you have lived there for a significant amount of time OR if you have a family history in the city and an understanding of its operations (ie subway system, Burroughs, neighborhoods)
BBB: You must be unfazed when you see a rat or cockroach, sit in something wet on the subway, get stuck on a subway and not have service, eat street meat, and have an undying superiority complex over New Jersey.
Madeline: I heard the commonly accepted time span is after ten years, but after living here for now five years that seems too generous.
Skylar: I feel like 10 years in, we can call ourselves New Yorkers. Any earlier than that, I hesitate.
Audrey: Yes—need to spend a summer in NYC heat wave. Or a blackout.
If you live in/have lived in NYC, what do you wish you had known before you moved in?
Riley: I should’ve saved more money for an apartment with central AC and an in-unit washer/dryer.
Lincoln: That I would never be able to afford to live in Manhattan after college.
Jane: Wish I had saved every dollar I made before moving here!
Grace: To take the bus, to branch out, to not spend a lot of time doing my hair, to make friends with local bartenders, and to have very low expectations for Hinge dates.
Liz: 1.) The winters aren't that bad. You didn't need to panic buy a Canada Goose and knee-high wellies within a month of moving here. 2.) Making new friends is hard, but don't give up. And even with lots of friends, you may still feel lonely. That's normal. 3.) Dating here is as terrible as everyone says it is.
CH: NYC, with as many people that live here, can be extremely lonely.
GB: The housing market is unpredictable and crazy. And summer is definitely not the best season to be here. Fall in NYC all the way!
AM: 1.) Everything is more expensive than you think!!
2.) Do not convince yourself that you can do a walk-up because you can't.
3.) Less is more! You do not need to be bringing all of your clothes and knickknacks with you! Leave those at your parent’s place because they have more room.
4.) FIGHT FOR IN-UNIT LAUNDRY (or at least in the building)
5.) ASK THE PREVIOUS TENANTS ABOUT THE WATER PRESSURE
6.) Do not move during the summer because it's so hot and much more expensive.
7.) Start a photo album on your phone where you save all of the TikToks of places you want to go to
Sara: Summer really is actually disgusting here.
J: EVERYTHING, including a bag of Oreos, is much more expensive.
BBB: This is the loneliest place in the world and never wear sandals.
Madeline: How indifferent the city is to you and that is the best part.
Skylar: How to get rid of mice. Like, seriously, I had to learn that one the hard way and it’s miserable. Also, never let anyone con you into paying a broker fee.
If you live in/have lived in NYC, what is your biggest pet peeve about your experience?
Hadley: Slow walkers.
Riley: Not having central AC or an in-unit washer/dryer.
Lincoln: The cost of living and the fact that the subway system doesn’t work at all and it’s full of cops with AK47s ready to murder people for hopping the turnstile.
Jane: It’s EXPENSIVE!
Grace: People not making space on the subway.
Liz: 1.) This is a city of consumerism and it's REALLY hard not to fall victim to it.
2.) There's a tendency among young people who move here, especially on social media, to act like they own New York. They get off on telling people about all the best restaurants, stores, nightclubs, etc as if they've discovered this cool thing no one else knows about. It feels like a giant game of one-upping each other. No wonder native New Yorkers hate transplants!
CH: Tourists.
GB: Just how stressful transition periods can be here. If you transitioning between jobs or apartments or life stages, NYC is not the kindest place to be while going through that sort of thing.
Also, as someone who lives here, I can attest that anyone who lives or has lived here will talk about the fact they live in NYC to anyone else who doesn’t. I’ve seen it and (embarrassingly) I’ve done it.
AM: EVERYONE IS SO RUDE!
Arshia: When people from high school move here and act like they own this place.
Sara: The clout-chasing attitude/overhyping of everything unnecessarily.
J: Slow walkers and people that stop at the top of the subway stairs to orient themselves. YOU’RE IN THE WAY.
Bella: People who don’t understand the unspoken rules like standing in the middle of the sidewalk—typically they are tourists.
BBB: The smells.
Madeline: Laundry.
Skylar: The trains are literally always messed up. It’s a total coin toss on whether I’m gonna be able to get where I need to go in a timely fashion. So. Annoying.
If you don't live in NYC, what is your biggest pet peeve about people who do?
Hadley: People who think NYC is the only city worth living in. I can’t live there because I’m broke baby!
Rebecca: The rampant alcoholism (respect, though) and the romanticization of misery.
MC: Acting like there isn’t good food elsewhere.
N/A: It seems like people do it just to flex that they live in NYC.
Bella: New Yorkers are a different breed, they keep to themselves and just want to do what needs to be done. People aren’t very conversational but I understand why.
Audrey: None. They’re all perfect.
In your opinion, what is the number one thing that distinguishes NYC from every other city?
Hadley: I feel similarly about Paris in some ways but I feel like New York is one of the cities in which its depiction in books/movies/etc. has kinda evolved into its own city which is so different than what it is really like.
I am not sure if that makes sense but I feel like when I’m talking to people who haven’t been to NYC and only judge from what they have seen in pop culture it’s sometimes hard to feel like we are talking about the same place.
Riley: Rich or poor, we’re all in the same bars/restaurants/bodegas/etc.
Lincoln: How dense and isolated it is. When I lived there, I rarely left the city.
Jane: I could go somewhere new every day for the rest of my life and would never come close to going to every cool place in the city.
Grace: This is such a hard question I don’t know! The people maybe, the vibe. NYC just has an energy.
Liz: Diversity—there are many diverse cities in the US, but I think NYC's flavor of diversity is unique in that it's not just diversity of backgrounds, but also diversity of beliefs, careers, interests, self-expression, etc. and it's everywhere.
Pick any neighborhood and you'll find bankers, doctors, students, artists, writers, TikTokers, retirees with magical rent-controlled units, cooks, unemployed trust fund babies, etc. On any street, you'll spot someone wearing a t-shirt and jeans, someone in a full suit, someone in a couture ensemble, and someone else not wearing any clothes at all. There are so many microcosms within NYC. And yet at the same time, they're all mixed together in one large melting pot.
You truly can be whoever you want to be. It's real life choose your own adventure. And you can choose a different one every single day if you want to.
Rebecca: The history, the immigrant population, the stellar public transportation.
CH: Each neighborhood has such a distinguished personality, and honestly its public transportation system.
GB: The energy. There is an vibrant, hustle-oriented yet magnetic energy here that I don’t think exists in any other major city.
AM: The opportunities—like there's always something to see/do/eat if you want
Arshia: The energy.
Sara: The people!
J: The opportunities are endless—so much to do and never enough time to do it. There’s something for everyone.
Bella: The diversity! There are a million options for everything. There’s always something to do and there’s a ton of cultural diversity as well!
BBB: The vibes are just different. Cop out answer, but it’s true.
Madeline: The mindset that most people here have.
Skylar: I genuinely believe it’s the people. Perhaps I’m a little delusional, but I think the most interesting people in the world are in this city. We all come here for a pretty specific reason/goal/dream a lot of the time, which results in the coolest coalescence of ideas and hopes and beliefs and interests. The energy is infectious.
Audrey: Everyone can handle living in any other city for the most part. Not everyone can handle NYC.
Do you think it's true that if you can make it in NYC, you can make it anywhere?
Hadley: No. If you can make it in the hospitality industry you can make it anywhere, and that is my word of wisdom for the day.
Riley: Yes.
Lincoln: No, I think every city has its own unique challenges. I’ve seen people thrive in New York and be absolutely miserable in LA.
Grace: Eh not necessarily, unless you mean with money, and in that case probably because shit here is $$$.
Liz: Well I probably couldn't make it in, let's say, Yakutsk, Siberia. But pretty much yeah it's true. To survive in NYC you have to get comfortable with loneliness and finding new friends. You have to build up your defenses and self-awareness. You have to learn how to make your paycheck stretch impossibly thin. You have to build a giant mental map and spreadsheet in your head with directions, subway lines, restaurants, places to avoid, places to cry, etc, and update it constantly.
You have to endure men catcalling you on a daily basis. You have to carry 30lbs of groceries 10 blocks and up 5 flights of stairs without the bags breaking. You have to grow up and deal with the occasional cockroach. Moving to NYC is starting a PhD in life skills.
Rebecca: NO LOL!
CH: Absolutely.
GB: Yes, purely because it requires a different breed of determination to make it work here. Housing is hard to lock down and life is expensive and you definitely won’t have things handed to you so if you can tackle all of that, you are killing it.
N/A: Nah it's easy to fit in in NYC. Just gotta follow trends or people you want to be classified with.
AM: Umm probably not! I could not make it in Missouri or a foreign country that didn't speak English.
Arshia: For sureeeeee. I think it’s one of the hardest places to live and afford.
Sara: Yup!
J: Yes. The first year in NYC will nearly break you but after that, you’re chilling and can take on anything.
Bella: YES, if you can survive and even thrive in NYC, another city would be a piece of cake.
BBB: Yes. it makes your skin stink, your nose hair singed, and your calves shredded.
Madeline: No.
Skylar: Honestly, yeah kind of, but mostly just because living in New York City is like choosing to live on hard mode all the time. Everything you have to do is a little bit inconvenient but made worth it by all of the amazing things the city can offer.
But most other parts of the country have certain creature comforts (central A/C, getting around easily by car, in-home laundry, normal grocery stores) that just make day-to-day life a little bit less complicated. That being said, it all depends on how one defines “making it.”
Audrey: So true fr.
Is there anything else you'd like to add?
Hadley: If you want good food, go to Ditmars Boulevard in Queens kiss kiss.
Lincoln: Blue Ribbon Brasserie in SoHo is the best restaurant in NYC!!! Get the bone marrow and oxtail marmalade.
Liz: Before moving here, I thought that NYC merch (like the iconic I <3 NY shirts) was only for tourists. It's been funny realizing that it's not. Even aside from sports merch, New Yorkers absolutely love to wear New York merch around the city. It's cute and fun and shows we're proud to call this place home.
Rebecca: LA is better <3
MC: The rats don’t run this city, we do.
CH: TBH I don't think the new "I ❤️ NY" branding is as ugly as people say it is.
AM: NO ONE OPENS THE DOOR FOR A E4P READER.
Arshia: One of my biggest pet peeves is when people are looking to move to New York but don’t consider Brooklyn because it’s “too far” and all the basic misconceptions.
Sara: Choosing to live here is crazy. I respect anyone and everyone that does it.
Bella: On a positive note, NYC is one of the most wheelchair-accessible cities in the whole country. They have extremely strict ADA requirements.
BBB: Ily Emily! Wouldn’t be NYC without you.
What is your go-to bagel order?
Hadley: Egg and cheese toasted sesame bagel thank you boss
Riley: Sausage egg and cheese on a toasted and scooped everything bagel with infinite ketchup packets
Lincoln: Sausage egg and cheese on an everything bagel
Jane: Gluten-free everything with scallion cream cheese avocado tomato red onion DUH
Grace: BEC on toasted everything (flagel if possible)
Liz: Bacon, egg, and cheese AND a lox, tomato, onion, scallion CC (no capers please), both on plain or multigrain (don't fight me), eat half of each, eat the other half later
Rebecca: Run it Through the Garden (Courage Bagels, East Hollywood)
MC: Everything, garlic and chive cream cheese, lox
CH: Taylor Ham egg and cheese on an everything bagel, no SPK
GB: Egg everything with egg, cheese, lettuce, tomato
N/A: Everything with cream cheese and lox ofc
AM: BEC with a hashbrown inside on a plain bagel toasted
Arshia: Everything bagel, toasted, plain cream cheese with lox and tomatoes, hold the capers.
Sara: Everything or onion bagel, plain or green onion schmear, sliced tomatoes
J: Sourdough bagel with scallion cream cheese
Bella: Everything bagel with scallion cream cheese
BBB: Plain bagel, toasted, scallion cream cheese, tomato, pepper, and sometimes bacon and red onion depending on the vibes.
Madeline: BEC everything bagel
Skylar: I’m a simple woman, so it’s an everything bagel extra toasted with scallion cream cheese.
Audrey: Everything bagel with scallion bacon cream cheese.
Emily: Gluten-free everything bagel toasted with scallion cream cheese (tofu if I’m hungover), tomato, and onion
Thank you so much to everyone who participated in this week’s panel!!!! And thank you to NYC for being kind of like the fifth character when you really think about it.
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